Vicissitude

Downstairs. Reprimanded my adult but ignorant Sis. Another Sis of mine said, " you've changed". Yeah I know. I've changed.

Do I really CARE for people? Unknowingly though. I care for people... But do I CARE for myself?

Since incident 30/9/10, I still didn't notice that it had impacted me so damn FUCKING much. It carved deeply in my heart, leaving a gash that still bleeds painfully.PAINFULLY. I've re-read your "Past. Present. Future" post and i found out that I, too, changed ALOT. I'm avoiding REALITY. Now then I realized. I've been avoiding, escaping. Gorging on food and behaving diabolically in front of my kakis. I HATE myself!!! What should I do to ameliorate this conundrum? It's massacring parts of me. Day by day. And each day starts with a more abominable me. I could no longer recognize myself. I've become a creature whom I detest. A more alerted, sensitive and observant creature.

Yeah I'm soft-hearted or weak if you prefer. Just had an emotional breakdown. Second time for the past two months. Still sobbing while writing. How pathetic. I'm done here. Glad and pacified that you've enjoyed yourself today. Be happy.

Note: I consider incident 30/9/10 to be regardless and had nothing to do with you, so don't express any tense emotions. However, you know that.


I'm lying.