Carry out

My fever has subsided, a good thing. So I'm left with just migraine. Popped two pills that says may cause drowsiness around seven plus but I'm wide awake right now.. Despite that, I could still consume a packet of chicken rice, rojak and a can of pepsi...


So, work tomorrow at sentosa with friends and I'm gonna enjoy it. Hope my current condition does not affect me at all :/

Battling something which I've anticipated

Flu. Coincidence? Bullshit! Dizziness, migraines, sores, cough and sore throat strikes at the same time. Drank pi pa syrup and the ticklish feeling in my throat soothed. I'm still wondering how to work on the 31st... Gonna sleep early for now

Shadow Of The Day

Almost had nothing to add. Living monotonous for the past few days, there's nothing that interests me out there, on earth, at all.

I'm just keep on blaming myself for what I've done. I'm such a failure. Entertaining others, making them LOL but, as a matter of fact, I'm a SUCKER!

Pegasus

You're good enough already, you can't expect too much of yourself. The feeling of being insecure, must get used to it. It's normal to feel it that way, expecting too much from yourself will only makes matters worse. You need to acquire a greater field of vision

The more you doubt yourself, the more I am worried and anxious over you..

Audacity

Came across a douchebag's blog. His blogskin is the same as mine! WTF?! That, I don't mind. Problem is, This douchebag is really asking for a beating. I will not disclose the reason why. That FUCKFACE!
Jealousy plays its role

Limbo: Trying Hard To Free Myself

To-day : went back to school and had soccer with friends. Feels great. It's been a long time since I'm back in school. Breathing fresh air on the pitch simply makes me better. Went to SAFRA gym and did a whole lot of twists and flips. Dare say that I've improved since the last session.

Relink

Go to stats

If you see an outstanding pageviews by Safari browser and iPhone Operating Systems, it should be..

Well, you might never see this.
Nevertheless I Am Watching Over You

Fuel injected

Walking dead. That's how I describe myself. Only the continuous blasting of music into my ears could perk me up a little. From now till Sunday, I just need to hang on. Perhaps work is better than staying in a house alone. Work = Numb My Feelings.

I could barely distinguish between nothing and pain.

It's all meaningless

I totally had enough. All of this. My family, my friends, my self, my life. Everything. I really don't know how much I'm going to take. This burden; it's suffocating. I want to be freed of all of this. I want to be free of my present life. Life has no more meaning to me. I hope someday: today, tomorrow or any other days, that I might catch a cardiac arrest and rest in peace

Premonition

Woke up this morning, wobbled my way down the stairs to the kitchen, and had the feel of like a terminally ill patient. Yes, I'm injured. Physically pressured by work. Psychologically stressed. Hadn't get a proper sleep for weeks and life is beginning to drain away from me.

I had a hunch- I guess my days are numbered.

Back to reality

From a long sleep, I've woken up, with mixed emotions. Dreamt a dream that is ever so extraordinary. Finally, I open my eyes wide. And tell myself that it's just a dream...

Anticipating the better

Finally

Date; Time

Shit: I've been living like it for already 7 days.. Lost track of the time yeah. Last night I asked my Sis if today was Wednesday. "of course! You got iPhone dunno how to check calendar meh?" Me: ...

Date is an important thing I must remember. I do not keep track of the day and time everyday, because my mentality is still on 5 September 2010. I only remember the days that are of significant importance to me. 5 August 2009; 23 August 2009; 18 July 2010; 8 September 2010; 9 September 2010; 30 September 2010; 2 October 2010; 4 October 2010; 17 November 2010; 4 December 2010

A Fresh Beginning

Putting down the past is no easy feat. Why do I feel nothing? The credits go to 'work'. Pack up my feelings and show my fake smile all day long. I have acquired nicknames like 'joker' and 'LOL-er' at my workplace. Where do I get my sense of humour? From the surrounding and recent things that have changed me.....


A promise is a promise. Promise to myself never, ever to fall in love again. Friends ask why? 'need money! You sponsor me then I go find girlfriend?' is my stupid answer. The real answer lies deep down in my scarred and feeble heart.

Grenade

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live
Oh, take, take, take it all but you never give
Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open, why were they open?

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no

Black, black, black and blue, beat me 'til I'm numb
Tell the devil I said, hey, when you get back to where you're from
Mad women, bad women, that's just what you are, yeah
You'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire
Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
'Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby

But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same

No, you won't do the same
You wouldn't do the same
Ooh, you never do the same
No, no, no, no

A Breached Promise

Why can't I find a confidante to speak to? Because I've just lost one... A series of unfortunate events had taken me by surprise.. Today's worse. Went down from my block to buy lunch and witnessed a suicide happened directly at where I live. I'm terribly traumatised and yet, I had no one to tell and being comforted. Posted on Facebook and my friends joked about it. Funny eh? Wait till you see it happen and you will find it's not at all hilarious..

Traumatised I am to the extent of breaking my promise and text her in hope to get an assuring quick reply. A consolation would help. But what I get disappoints me. Now then I remember I'm now alone. To face it myself...

Kiss The Rain

It's a song that I've noticed just a few days ago. With lyrics, it simply turns my mood. What do you do alone, in your bedroom, listening to this song? Cry is my foolish answer. Everytime I listened to this, I would think of the time we texted and chats. A few days ago, I stumbled upon her tweet regarding not to text her and out of impulse, I'm sure it was referring to me. Saw her previous tumblr notes and I got so freaking upset I've decided to write my bad feelings which have accumulated over the months... It's nothing much for I used my vocabulary too extensively so it looks like I'm really really disappointed. Now it's all too late...

As I've missed...

And I've been moronic...

And impatient...

For I've lost her...

Prologue

Have been treating myself like a junk these days... Numbing and torturing myself to the extent of being nearly physically impaired. Haven't slept a wink for the past two days but now I've recovered - not from the pain, but from the strain. Saw it. Can't imagine I had an emotional breakdown. To think I still have the strength to cry? To-day : I'm continuously harassed by the silence. No one to care for; to think of; to talk to; to live for...


For I'm now alone.

The reason is here: Nobody loves me. Not even my family.

To someone I knew too well than I've known others : I understand

Apocalypse; The End

Im gonna end this short.

This might be my last post( I have nothing to explain for this). Will be updating my daily life in Facebook and tumblr. Might update my blog when I'm feeling alright to do so. My apologies, viewers.

Not in the mood

Just came home after a long trip from Sentosa. Basically, I'm working there for Wednesday, Thursday and friday. All from 4pm to 3am. The first day is so freaking tiring. Had to serve two tables at a time. And this has shown me the barbaric side of singaporeans. The sight of them irks me! I'm working at Mice. Errr.. Belongs to part of RWS. the facility there is 'Boomz' but the job is quite tiring. 258 tables and 2560 guests. Wa Lao Eh!! Today's function will also be quite a big one but tomorrow's will be a small one. Ahh.. I will be very busy starting from 7pm-2am. But can text me during the time and I will DEFINITELY reply. Abit late laa... And I saw many of my friends^^v especially Jing Kang!!!

Strain

Breaking today, again. Almost seems like a daily routine... Trophies : an aching back, swollen shoulder, bruised hip, strained legs, sore elbows and wrists. Every time I crashes, the only thing I want is to lie there and pretend that I'm dead. And every time I would recover, no matter how the pain hurts.. All we need is to get up after each fall, no matter how pain it is, how difficult it is, how tiring it is, we got to try.. However each time I tried, I would get disappointments and Disappointments and DISAPPOINTMENTS! Time Will Tell. No sooner, I promise : to be a veteran in this field

Freeze my mind

Ermm... I just got back from work. Sorry for the late post. Anticipation? Nahh, I don't think so.. Hope. Just hope. Popped open a coke and gulped it down. Brainfreeze. My migraine- battered head finally had a rest; Temporarily. Last week is a not-so-good week. And now I must accept the fact that my mood is affected by you. Messaged abit but realise that maybe you might find me annoying.. Depression kept pushing me to the brink of breaking down, making me senseless when I'm solitary. Had nothing much to say for the past two to three days for some of my friends are pissing me off. Vent my anger? I can't! For I'm a monster if I did.. Didn't speak much in the household, my family's thought that I'm giving attitude. Tried my best to be jovial while at work and succeeded; acting playful in front of my friends and just got a pass. Told YuHeng my troubles and found out he did not fully understand me as a buddy. I'm sick of trying to play a nice guy. I had enough. Wearing a mask all day long proved to be exasperating. True colours- I shall show those who deserves it...

Face-plant!

Didn't update my bog yesterday as it's the same routine as today. Eat my lunch at home and off to break. Improvements in flaring and made first contact with windmills( resulted in a terribly bruised shoulder). Breaking whole day from the afternoon till night. By dusk, our shirts are soiled and drenched with sweat. So today my friends and I break at greenridge and done ALOT of footwork, top rock and power moves. Done a backspin followed by a recover(roll back handstand) and I DIDN'T notice the floor is covered with my sweat and sure enough, my hands lose grip and WHAMMM! The icy cold floor hit hard against my temple. Having a terrible migraine right now...

My interest for breakdance is still there...

Hidden me

Wake up in the morning with mum's 200-decibel voice ringing in my ears.. Nua on my bed until she comes up and tap me on the thigh.. Ahh! She bought my favourite duck noodles at Bangkit with extra chilli. Heavenly~~

However things just turned real ugly and mum just pick on small matters and we quarreled. Felt like a shit staying in the house. Bad bad mood. So I took off earlier for my breaking session. Wore a hoodie as out there's raining. Heavily. Meet up with Yu Heng and Zi Bing in Greenridge. The shelter's wet! So need to go all the way down to plaza to break on the not-so-good tiles in plaza.. Sores all over my body right now.. Ughhh! Every time. I would put on a mask to show the calm, funny and disturb-people face. Why can't I just show out my emotions? Because if I did, nobody would dare to get near me...

Flare

To-day I'm still furious about last night's incident, went to b-boy under Greenridge shelter and noticed Jordan teaching Austin how to do flare. And I joined in. I always wanted to learn flare. And this time round Jordan FINALLY taught me flare SERIOUSLY...  Of course I'm elated!! I understood the concept slowly and steadily... So Yu Heng told me that maybe I could do I complete and clean flare after a week. Yeshh!! Then I also learned 5-steps, 3-steps and 2-steps.. Yay! :DD 

Reminder: must learn windmill by the start of December. 

No Longer A Child

Fuck them!! FUCK OFF!!! CB KANINA .. I am 16, you motherfucker.. 16! 16! I'm no longer a child. Why must you decide when I MUST go fishing... ... Why?... I have my own choice of FREEDOM!!!!! There's nth wrong fishing in the dark, right? RIGHT?? argghhh... FMFL

I'm sick

Okay.. So now is 4:00am Monday morning. Just had a hot water bath. Before this I just came home from work. THREE whole days without Breakdancing and my body is starting to itch :/

So here's a short debrief of yesterday: Sunday: second day of work in RCCC. Acquainted more friends than in Saturday. Good. Mutual protection is what we need working in FnB. So I had friends working in the Banquet and Stewarding. Ahh tiring. Serve and serve and serve. It never ends. Teamed up with two chinese PRS one year older than me. So what? Don't be so HaoLian and SamPat lehh.. CB! I don't Tahan these man! They fucked me totally during the whole process and I nearly broke into a fight with them. Lucky had my friends to restrain me... And then, had a very fun OT with Gat Yong, Kenneth, Wei Guang, Eugene, Feng Cheng, Izwan and Max.. Woooohh~~

Right now is 22nd of Nov. I'm "sick".. One more day...

Worn out

Yesterday's okay.. Went to register in Ritz Carlton with my Sis but the coordinator very GL. I LL. After that, went Taka to feast on jap food in Sushi Tei. Nice Nice! Then go on to Causeway's Ajisen Ramen. Sis' treat. Ate until quite full^^

Went to work in Swissotel Stamford and met alot of amazing friends! Saw Jasper. Haha. Made alot of jokes there. Apparently his name is Hai Tian.. Hahaha!! So girlish. LOL. Then saw my tuition teacher on the table I served. He and his family still remembers me after four whole years. Wow I'm touched! *Tears welling up. Okay. So worked till 1AM and reached home around 3AM, had a cold bath and also "BAM on my bed"!! Haha ;)

Starry Starry Night

Last night's graduation night is quite brilliant. Missed out the opportunities to eat as I'm late :/ Nevermind. After this, I had a round of freerunning at the school's rooftop with Wei Theng. Scariee. I'm afraid of heights... But took alot of pics of the roof at night. The resolution's not that good. Got a hoodie. Yeshh!! And guess what? Afternoon I had gone fishing in Pang Sua pond with Wen Wei and Yu Heng. Damn hot lur. Got sunburned. Took quite a lot of pics over there and in the hall during grad night and at the compound's rooftop...

But missed out the chance to b-boy in plaza... Damn it. Just missed it...

Worries

Umm... So today went to Paragon and there's no stock left, so I went to Plaza Sing' again to try my luck and.. Aha! Got a brand new iPhone. Yeshh! Water damage? Bleach lur...

Petrified

Today, worked in a catering company that provides buffets for its clients from 10am-4pm. $36. Okay laa. YuHeng recommended this job for me and it's quite fun! The IC is kind and co-workers are friendly^^ I even played jokes on some of the guests.LOL. I went to work in a buffet but end up participating in eating. Even the IC eats. Nice food and such a waste since there are lots of leftovers. Then, went to Plaza Singapura for the 1 to 1 exchange for my phone.. The day before, Yuheng and I were busy BLEACHING the water indicators stick in my earphone jack and battery- because the warranty doesn't covers water damage and when the receptionist told us that all I need is the receipt of the day I bought my phone(that is the warranty) to change for another phone. Aaargh! So close! but when she said that there weren't any water damage to the phone, Me and YuHeng laughed like HELL when we were out of the retail shop. Too bad, I need to get my receipt and head for Paragon either tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I'm still afraid I can't get a new iphone...PRAY HARD!!

It's over

Birthday over... Thought it might be one of the worst but turned out to be one of the best! Jordan cried badly on his 18th b-day. YuHeng need to work on his 15th b-day. However, I practiced dancing- power moves and footwork, all day long with Jordan, YuHeng, WeiJie, Austin, WenWei, WeiKang and Nicholas. Nice! Thank ya guys!!

Although I forgot my birthday outing yesterday, but I've decided to regard it into that expedition fishing trip to Ubin. So gonna pack up FULL GEAR(and invite more people and well, I don't expect to be rejected after requesting)!!

Right. Last night had a short break after dancing in Greenridge, went to plaza and had a quick dinner at KFC, then proceeded to another spot, just beside plaza to continue breaking. After which, headed home...

Birthday

Aha! A special day to-day is. Gonna take out my phone later in YuHeng's house and assemble it. After which we decide on the damage to the phone and see if we could extract any information from it. Photos I'm afraid could be lost :/ Will proceed to Greenridge for b-boy later. Celebrate my birthday at night with part of the X-press' and Pochi crew^^
 Missing you much... Hope everything's alright...

Just My Luck

Today something unfortunate happened. Went to Kranji reservoir to fish for toman... everything went well when dark clouds appear in the not-so-far horizon. We pushed forward but ended up below the Yewtee canal spot just under the MRT track. He says here got toman. Fine. Waited a few hours and only false alarms. Our catfish baits arent mutilated. Not good. No signs of the game fish. I insisted to go somewhere as other anglers had proceeded to other spots. YuHeng persisted and I said fine. I climbed over the railing just to have a better cast but slipped into the water. Got lacerations and abrasions AND HELL! My phone was in the pocket and i could feel it vibrate. Dang it! Took it out from the water and switched it off immediately. Went to YuHeng's house to dissect my phone. Opened back cover, take out Li-ion battery and 11 screws in total. Motherboard with phone now inside a ziplock bag with rice. Rice absorbed moisture. So gonna check out my phone tomorrow. And continued with fishing in BP pond. Many bites at around 11pm. Caught a Bass bigger than my hand and YuHeng was quite amazed. Finally, GoodLuck and for my phone T.T

Exasperated

Today-tiring day. Walk until leg very sore..plus afternoon b-boy then go out and checking iPhone for Yu Heng.. Pek cek! Lot 1 and causeway no stock left. Fine. Tomorrow see if he got work.. Then maybe will go to a secluded spot in Kranji to fish... Toman!^^ might fish in the evening till night... Will upload photos via iloader.. Check it out tomorrow!

By the way viewers can Skype or msn or message me anytime, anywhere, anyone^^v

Rehabilitation

Phew, rehab's finished. Last night, fishing alone in that pond.. Again. The rain seems to affect the fishes' appetite. Caught nothing big. Drizzling all night. I'm like a pitiful kid pictured from afar. LOL. Nevermind, breaking later... Gonna have some fun.

Patience

Okay..so last night that Jasper didn't come and Joseph tagged long. Fine. Shocking is that Bernard got SLASHED! He showed me the wound on his head and the bruise on the shoulder. Quite ghastly. Then went fishing...all the way till 10:30+. YuHeng and YiJiang and Bernard didn't catch a thing while I got a juvenile bass. No use to me so I gave it to Bernard.

Fourth day of rehab is killing me. So for the past few days, I've been pestering my sis to lend me her laptop. Works. Finding opportunities to borrow YuHan's and YiJiang's iphone. And works. Using school CPU in the library is the last resort. Lucky I knew how to clear my browsing history, cache and cookies. Privacy problem solved.

And that YiJiang arh.. I was supposed to invite him to the Ubin trip but he still didn't change his attitude. So he's not included. Whatthehell he is so noisy! Tak Boleh Tahan! Got an iphone4 two days ago and he is so 38. " Oh my Hungry shark..my Hungry shark.." keep playing that stupid game... Wait till I get mine back and show him my MC2:BP and he'll be shocked by the advanced gyroscope and detailed graphics. Muahahaha...Oops, I'm a geek.
And I just got home from my Life-Saving lesson. In the MRT, I had a hunch. HUNCH..Lucky not accurate..Whatever, Patience is a Virtue.

First time

Went to beach road with YuHeng to find fishing shops...in the end, spent $157 on a good General rod, a spin-cast reel and a pair of polarised sunglasses. funny is that the shop owner gave us 10% discount as there is a student price.LOL. Then went to Queenstown shopping centre to look for clothes. Found many fancy hoodies and simple long sleeve tees..Nice! Good for breakdance.

Go fishing at 7.30PM with YuHeng, Bernard and Jasper in BP pond. First time in a few months and my hands are itching to fish! Will reach home around midnight? Maybe...

Crash

Very difficult. Trying my best to update everything I could.. Apparently, I haven't read the news until I saw this article... 369 slashing innocent bystanders? And it Happened near where I live! Breaking under the Greenridge shelter all day... And I was curious there were traces of blood everywhere. Successfully one back spins and my cotton tee is somehow smeared with a few clotted blood..Eeew!
Don't worry 'bout it. I'm fine :)

Confiscation

7th November. 1PM
Phone confiscated. Reason is that I'm too addicted to it. What's the point? Two more papers to go... I see nothing in confiscating my phone benefits me! Cold Turkey.
Horrible flashbacks regarding you haunts me in broad daylight. Anything sensitive came in contact with me induces an overreacting sensation. My hands tremble with fear upon contact. Had to divert it. How?
Everybody in the household finds me less talkative, easily agitated, spouting profanities and mumbling to myself-trying to solve mathematics equations in my head.
An hour or specifically a minute without looking into into your blog, facebook, msn makes me feel uneasy. Fidgeting. I have totally no mood to study. Why? Because I've lost my only connection with you.

Experience

Today oh no it's yesterday, last night, I went to St Regis, a hotel, in favour of an agent's request. So, my first time and first day at work is okay laaa... It's a banquet. And it's kinda new to me.. Lucky me, I have two sisters experienced themselves in Ritz Carlton and it is where I will spent the rest of my waiter days over there. Basically, in St Regis, there's a whole lot of us split into groups of four and I'm a freshman there.. Very fresh. My job is a runner, taking those large overtrays that seemed a lil' challenge for me. So as I've mentioned earlier, there are groups of four. So me and an amateur guy paired up to be runners, and the other two females stayed inside the ballroom to serve. The four of us take on four tables. During the banquet, the female, which is a 老教, takes on FOUR tables, which I don't understand what is the other female doing.. At the end of the banquet, the 老教 and the guy told me that if it were not for me, they'll not be able to be on task and they also reveal to me that the other female is, I'm sorry, a moron and they praised me for me doing very well as a freshman. Well, I just say:" Just doin' my job" LOLs... Many of the staff had a good impression of me. Not bad :P however the managers there sucks. They paid to be fierce. Heehee, I'm not afraid of them because if I really flare up, they'll be puppies LOL. So, I'll be booking in the RCCC with my friends for the next few days, then after my birthday, which is on the 16th of November, my Sis will recommend me to the Ritz Carlton where I'll be taken care of.. Very well, cos' my Sis knew all the staff there. Easy life for me there! :P

Now, I'm gonna wash up and sleep. Tomorrow will be a Fret-full day...

Breaking-up

Its 11:07 in the morning. Just woke up. Saw my Sis crying.. Went over and ask her. She didn't bother me. Saw her msn. It's regarding she and her boyfriend. Seen the message logs and I'm fuming.. That son-of-a-bitch, bastard..how could he do this!! My Sis is so good; rejecting other guys because she loved him and thinking of him every day; scheduling when to meet him cos' he got his ass stuck in Melbourne... I'd definitely whack his face if I ever see him again.. Now, my another Sis is busy comforting and counselling her..


Is this what we call relationships?

Beginning

Tomorrow is the start of my work... Don't worry, still got ample tome to revise :) however, I'm still unsure of the working environment.. Mmm, today is a quite exasperating day. Slept early for last night at around 12:58am for the past few weeks I've been turning in at a regular time of 2-3. Woke up around 12 in the afternoon and lie lazily on the bed.. It's near to 1pm then I get to cook my simple breakfast-cum-lunch. Omelette again. Three eggs, three slices of cheese, pinch of salt and pepper, with a tasteful cup of Earl Grey.. Then went off to breakdance in Greenridge until in the evening.. And Gosh, lost my keys AGAIN! Worst still, the keys are the same.. Yeah I'm lazy so I got a similar pair of keys tied up to a bunch so next time when I reached into my pocket I wouldn't even need to look to unlock the door! Dang! Somehow it reminds me of a sentence: a keychain is the tool to let you lose a bunch of keys at a time. LOLs. Got a few mosquito bites(which is very rare but proved that my blood is sweet XD), rained. Suggests going plaza to break but my friends say there is a good spot with lots and lots of girls watching(Y) but the floor isn't nice. Dropped the idea.. Oh yeah, tomorrow got work. Nites!

Job

Done very badly for my DnT D: too bad. Must pray/wish/hope that my results are not too shocking... After the paper, went for my job app's training lecture. Boring. I came on staff in RCCC(raffles city convention centre) with my friends. Woots! Finally ends at around two. Yay! Then took the train(dunno the lines' names, only know that I took the purple line to the green line then to the red line.) just finished my late lunch.. Now I'm nua-ing on my bed. An hour later I'm gonna set off to Yio Chu Kang for my weekly life-saving lesson :)

Design And Technology

To-morrow is this paper... Sounds no cake but the questions tests my understanding of English :O cos' I've reviewed past years' papers and they are all so Chim. Jialek liao... To-night must really chiong DnT, cannot afford to disappoint Mr Loy because if my L1R5 is more than 15.. I must treat him a $55 buffet...if lesser than 15, it's his turn to treat me. Gonna starve myself for a few days if I'm eating...

The Worst Is Finally Over!

Today is a very tiring day... Busy in school for the whole day having my O's. Phew! Finally over. Left with SS, DnT and science paper 1. Shiok! Beginning to slack le. Gonna start with the planning of the fishing trip to Ubin. Lots of cycling will be included^^ but the chances of getting a fish hooked are minimal, cos' it's just an expedition trip. So I'll be considering to equip myself with light gear.

Busy Day Ahead

3:28 in the morning of November the second: As I looked up into the dark and starless sky scuttered with angry purple clouds, I wondered drowsily what are others out there doing and thinking? Nonetheless, most of the population are now snoring away. My ears pricked. The sound of splattering could be heard. Without farther assumptions made, I could easily conclude that the first few drops of precipitate had reached the cold, hard concrete buildings and pavements. These hinted the timely arrival of the seasonal monsoon in which, gallons of water will land themselves here in the form of torrential rain. Well, I've just finished my Mcspicy meal^^ Quite an advantage to live near a 24hr fast food restaurant.


Overview: to-day after my quite-easy/difficult physics paper, I was about to go for a long jog when I heard my friend, Nigel, called me. Apparently, if not for his reminder, I had just forgotten my appointment with him. I dashed toward the bus-stop near BPP and saw my clicks waiting for me. My condolences for them as they had missed three buses to the city because of me :p . They were appalled to see me in my unusual attire. I wore a singlet and a pair of shorts; because I was going for jogging! Oh gosh! My friend offered me to wear the bright red uniform but I refused. Too bad. Went for job application near Central. Short process. Next, we went sightseeing in Central before heading to Clark Quay and Chinatown, then to Liang court to have our dinner. Note: I'm still in my singlet and shorts. Some people threw glances at me and I was the joke of the day for my friends.. Haizzz.


It is going to be a busy day TO-DAY! 8-9.30am for my geography paper and 2-3pm is my POA paper 1, 3.45-5.45pm is the paper two. And I haven't sleep yet! Studying at night proved to be useless as you can't really get the information into your head unless you give in your utmost concentration then you will succeed. Wish me luck! I need it...

Insomnia

Sleep deprivation aggravates these days. Due to O'levels? Nah, I don't think so. Maybe I'm morphing into a nocturnal creature. Perhaps my liking to the dead silence and serenity of the night accompanied by the crisp sound of crickets has increased. I just loved the cool breeze, very rare during the days, that is continually blowing through the window of my study. It's so calming. Dizziness and slight headaches(migraines do occur sometimes during the day and mostly at night) are the side effects of staying up late. Feasibly, it is one of the habits I've attained since the sudden change of my character. Whatever it is, it's toll on me will ascend if I do not resume to my preference of turning in early. The sudden loss of my pets doesn't seem to show melancholy but I was, in fact, morose. It took me great pains to procure them. And now I'm back to square one. From now on, I'm going to endeavor in acquiring another pair of green crested lizards. I might consider getting myself a glider(another species of lizards that has a flap of skin on their sides that gives them their names).

Currently, I'm doing my best to finish up the whole of the Physics textbook and just started on the first chapter. OMG D: Anyway, I hope the paper which is due in 13 hours and 7 minutes later to be as easy as it could be (:

And I've just gained 5 kilos laaa... OMG :O
*sobbing.. Junk food!!!

Bronchocela cristatella

"Bronchocela cristatella" is the scientific name of the lizard I kept. A native species in this country. An exotic pet to keep at home. When I have the time, I would take individuals out for a stroll. Erm... Hanging them on my shoulder. And you could not be bothered by their presence. In moments of solitude, I would take one of these magnificent, or others might say weird creatures, out and we would stare at each other for a long period of time. An eccentric habit I have. It seems that these dumb creatures can somehow understand the messages I am trying to convey to them. Silently. In times of despair, I would talk to them and they would also perceive.

Very, indeed, I am glad to have them as pets.

Precipitate

5:55 in the morning. Never slept a wink. Wondering how do you feel? Still feeling upset? Of course right now you were sound asleep. But I just don't know why that queasy feeling came again. Forcing me to fidget the whole night. Pondering over how to console you when you were in low spirits. Presently, I'm feeling neither tired nor sleepy. Worried I am. Anxiousness crept over me. Whole night. The whole night I was thinking of ways to lighten up your mood but to no success. I'm a more failure than you. So don't ever think you were at the bottom. Raining now. The chilly breeze is currently numbing my senses. Ugh! Hungry.


Are you comfortable in telling me what indeed happened last night?

Reflection

Wrote a fiendish post around 7pm pertaining to you. Saw your recent post and I was utterly shocked. Had to delete it immediately as the contents were ghastly, unsightly. And I realized, now, that you would be of deeper disappointment and the guilt-ridden conscience. I could not afford it. No way I'm letting you to feel this way. I promised not to let you upset and I almost broke it by writing that fiendish post. I am thoroughly thwarted of my own literature.

I've made up my mind. Be well and rest assured. I care for you.


Well, back to business. After attending the quite-easy paper, I went home, get changed and down to Greenridge. I joined my recently acquainted b-boy friends and they were astonished by my performance- it's my second practice, which spells that I'm the newest member of the family. I could only smile sheepishly and kindly rejct their compliments. I inquired most of them how they were like when they first started out. " We fared worse than you" were their answers. Being a newbie, I could only watch in awe as my friends practice in their area of expertise. Mmm... What I need now is to strengthen my knowledge of the basics and try to prolong the time in maintaining my balance in doing hand stand.

Vicissitude

Downstairs. Reprimanded my adult but ignorant Sis. Another Sis of mine said, " you've changed". Yeah I know. I've changed.

Do I really CARE for people? Unknowingly though. I care for people... But do I CARE for myself?

Since incident 30/9/10, I still didn't notice that it had impacted me so damn FUCKING much. It carved deeply in my heart, leaving a gash that still bleeds painfully.PAINFULLY. I've re-read your "Past. Present. Future" post and i found out that I, too, changed ALOT. I'm avoiding REALITY. Now then I realized. I've been avoiding, escaping. Gorging on food and behaving diabolically in front of my kakis. I HATE myself!!! What should I do to ameliorate this conundrum? It's massacring parts of me. Day by day. And each day starts with a more abominable me. I could no longer recognize myself. I've become a creature whom I detest. A more alerted, sensitive and observant creature.

Yeah I'm soft-hearted or weak if you prefer. Just had an emotional breakdown. Second time for the past two months. Still sobbing while writing. How pathetic. I'm done here. Glad and pacified that you've enjoyed yourself today. Be happy.

Note: I consider incident 30/9/10 to be regardless and had nothing to do with you, so don't express any tense emotions. However, you know that.


I'm lying.

Break Dance

My first contact with b-boy today under a shelter in Greenridge and spent the whole afternoon with Yu Heng and friends. Feels like a work out. Perspire. Relieves me of the stress that builds up in me. Got a few bruises though. Before this, I accompanied Yu Heng to see dermatologist in Bukit Batok. After, we had subway for lunch in West Mall and went around making fun of people. " Balls of Steel" :DD

These small things actually lifts my mood! Due to the exams, I'm in a terrible mess(feeling down) these few days. Its somehow inexplainable as to how it feels like.

Your personal wellness is my priority. Stay cheerful.

Lucky

Phew.. Today's paper is no cake! :D thought it would be tough... Turned out to be a joke! Well I still can't get past the careless mistakes. Haish :/

Apocalypse?

Tomorrow is E-math paper II, what's the big deal? Big deal is today's paper 1 is so easy(got a lot of careless mistakes though) but rumors said that if paper 1's easy, Uhoh! The next paper will be tough. Very tough. Need to put in a lil' bit of concentration for later's revision. Or else I'm not gonna make it. Mmm, I wonder what grade will I get for English?

Well, I do not need to pray hard cos' I just need to remember. And that's the key to success. I suppose?

I Must Not Procrastinate

Mr Loy said: "procrastination is like masturbation" and I totally agree with his statement. Now then I feel the pressure. It's suffocating. For the past 10 months I've been procrastinating. Not good. E-math paper 1 is less than 11 hours from now. Hope it's easy.

Severe coughing- due to drinking sprite & coke & pepsi etc for the past few days while it's mild. Sore throat's getting better by night and worse by day. Occurrence of migraine during this hour. It's very tiring. 12 November. End of suffering.

The Calm Before The Storm

The wee hours... Seemed too abnormally eerie for me or maybe I'm just too nervous? Less than 12 hours to my first paper and I'm still wide awake. Hungry. Gonna cook instant noodles with mushrooms and eggs with a cup of warm Milo after writing this. Then I'll head upstairs and continue revising the formats and modal essays in my pigsty-studyroom ^^v

And you.. Don't be so weight-conscious cos' you look perfectly fine :)

Haze

Curse the Sumatrans!$@%^#&%#*@... Well, at least the rain had temporarily eased the situation^^ Getting stuck at home all day makes me look like a 宅男. Eww. Going down to buy lunch unkempt plus wearing a singlet. Ah peh. Now, still revising and having a super smart phone beside me is indeed super distracting.

Phew.. Lucky my friends invited me to play soccer in CC 6 hours later...or else I'll be rotting away at home.

Bean Bag

Hmmm... got nothing to do. Sitting on a bean bag right now and I'm still thinking of the question you posted " Who is it that will make the greatest impact in your life? Your first love or your true love?"

So here's my point-of-view answer: If you met your true love, then it is your first real love in which you put your heart and soul into it, then it is your first love. So in my perception, my first love may not be inceptive. ;)

Frozen worksheet

As usual, went to school for self study. Thought it might not be full of people(cos' Muslims go for prayers on Fridays). Went inside the library and wow! So many students. Crowded. Not a conducive environment for studying.. Too bad, I just need to bear with the current situation and make the best out of it. Flooding my ears with music eases the tension that builds up in me- I'm a shy person and places with lots of people can be quite traumatizing for me.

In the midst of studying, Gui ming persuaded me to have our lunch in mac's. So I got to accompany him. But I don't feel like eating.. Went to the study room just outside the school and found out a bunch of my friends were there! Yay! played rugby and a modified version of monkey in that small room. Fun! Opened the fridge and took out a frozen science practical worksheet and celebrate by smashing it to the tree and lamp post outside the room. Stress relieved. Spent the rest of the day in the study room chatting away and playing my phone.^^

Kite

"But if I let you go, I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know if I let you go?
Night after night I hear my self say
Why can't this feeling just fade away?
There's no one like you, you speak to my heart
Its such a shame we're worlds apart"

Something bad happened last night. I could sense it..
As the kite soars high above the skies, the more farther it is away from me. Pulling it too close only increases the possibility of the string getting snapped. Should I cut the string attaching to the kite and me when I still got the chance?

Down With Flu

In the morning, sore throat caught me by surprise, followed by a runny nose. Had a bowl of curry noodles( thick beehoon, potatoes, pork and prawns). Thought that would ameliorate the situation. But I ate it halfway, felt too full and finished the prawns and potatoes. Chuck the rest of the contents into the dumpster. By noon, I had no problem in inhaling and exhaling, just a bit ticklish in the throat and felt a bit giddy.

Joined a couple of friends just now and head for macdonalds to have my lunch. I believed in the Chinese proverb"与毒攻毒" and bought a Mcspicy meal UPSIZED. Felt a bit better and guess what? My friend got a coupon to get a free big Mac. Well, I got a free ticket to the Singapore flyer, woots! Guiming didn't want the big Mac coupon so I seized the chance and gobble it down on my way back to school..

In the library, I began to feel exasperated and weak.Drowsiness infiltrated me.

Sick And Tired

O'levels is just a few days away. I'm taking it as easy as eating peanuts. However, I can't get a few distinctions just by eating peanuts. Sigh! Went the school library just to slack. Why? Cos' I don't want to stay in my HOUSE! I'm sick and tired of your nonsense, Ma. And smoker(dad), you're such a jerk! Don't always think that you're the sole breadwinner of the family. Time to give up that mentality.Damn it! Pick my side and don't just stay in a neutral position, Da Jie. Please don't always act like an idiot, Er Jie..your bryan may love it but we aren't! @San Jie: you cared for me the most. However, what I want is CONCERN... Somebody or anybody, I need your concern. I really hate to assure and tell myself "I can do it... I can do it!"always. A pampered child eh? Yeah I am. Hate it!

我累了.. 真的累了

Cheese omelette

Today seemed quite a lousy day.. In fact, since incident 30/9/10, it completely changed me. Friends around me noticed a turn in attitude, behaviour, the frequent aftershocks and the tone I speak. " Haoen, are you okay?","are you alright","what happened". Lied to them. "yea I'm fine" is often used to pacify them. She too, assured me that she's alright. I doubt so. Read her blog and found out that she's feeling awful by her results. Dunno why I felt dampened even though my spirits are very low. Cooking and messaging helps. Made my favorite cheese omelette plus receiving an SMS, that cheered me up a little.
Hope tomorrow might be a better day. Good luck to you, Hao En. And "you" too!^^

Message ( Part 2)

In the past few days, I've been using one-word or just a few words in my messages. It isn't fair! Am I beginning to get influenced by her? In a dilemma I was. After much much consideration, I decided to continue with my style: sentenced messages.

Awkward situation

Been in the school library studying since 10am. Two hours later.. An acquaintance of mine shared the same table with me. "you're handsome" was the first thing she said to me. Panic and shock overwhelmed me. I feel AWKWARD. Then she smiled smittenly at me. Are her eyes smeared with poo? Oh please, I'm so ugly. Why would someone said those things at me? Solution: pretend not to hear it and do not look into her eyes when I speak. That worked! In my mind, I wanted to tell her that I am fond of & love & like & adore another girl. Would "she" mind if I tell my acquaintance that I'm deeply in love with "her" even if it's a one-sided affair?

Message

"yea","nope","ok" and etc...hated to use them in messages. Therefore I liked writing sentenced messages as they could describe how you feel. Oftenly. If the recipient sends a one word message, there are two things that I could see into them. First, they are not too close with you or second, they want to maintain a line of defence. A barrier. In my case, it is the latter. I could not blame someone about this. It's her privilege and I can't force her. Right?

Am I accident-prone?

In June, walking in the park alone. I don't know what's wrong with my eyes. Are they stamped? Yes they are! Even strolling on a smooth pavement also seemed dangerous. Slipped and fell. Mmm, nothing's wrong? But why do I felt a bit of an empty space just under my left knee? Looked down. Whoa.. A 20mm long and 6mm deep laceration. I'm lucky not to go into a shock. Had to limp my way back to home. Passers by from afar stare at my leg, wondering "why that boy put strawberry jam on his leg ah?". It was when a closer look that makes them realise that it is a deep cut. Back at home, I tried to wash away the bits of dirt that STICKS to the layer of fat. DAMN! It's "not quite" disgusting for me though. Phoned my Sis and she brought me to the hospital. In the end, 5 stitches and I wonder "Does the medical officer that had my wound stitched learn how to sew?" Cos' her stitching SUCKS!

In the next few months, I got two slight fractures shared equally by my feet. They don't need to put on a cast as it is just a minor thing, I suppose. Then I got huge bruises on my thighs. And recently had a patch of skin peeled off on my left shin. Now I was busy plucking out the scabs! Last night I attended my friends' BBQ. Played ball and a friend of mine kicked the ball right into the canal. I accompanied him and climbed down into it. Picked up the ball and saves the day! And my accident-hungry leg never failed me. I stepped right into the a pile of broken glass. Prrrkkt. SHIT! Weird I felt nothing. It was when after my bath then I felt a sharp pain on on my foot. It is a slit. "Yea I'm fine." Every step hurts! But I can't afford for you to worry about me. Sorry!